My dad visited us in Calgary recently, and we had a great time hanging out. He’s been working abroad as an Overseas Filipino Worker since 1999, and he only gets to go back to the Philippines about once a year for a month. Even though he’s been away for so long, he and my mom are closer than ever.
It’s really inspiring to see how strong their relationship is, even with all the time and distance between them. Spending time with him reminded me how family connections can stay strong, no matter how far apart we are.
A 25-Year Long-Distance Love Story
My dad left to work abroad in 1999, when I was around five years old, and my parents had only been married about five years. My parents didn’t come from wealthy families—my grandparents were farmers who lived in the province. When my parents got married, they started with almost nothing, just a pair of spoons and forks to their name. The only inheritance they had was their education.
What’s in This Post
My parents had one main goal: to make sure my siblings and I wouldn’t have to experience the hardships they went through growing up. They’ve always done everything they could to give us the best possible opportunities—even if it meant leaving the country and being physically separated in order to succeed.
Having a family member working abroad is common in many Filipino households; it’s a path often taken by those striving for a better future. For my parents, working overseas seemed like the best way to secure success for our family at the time. Both of them had tried living outside the country, and eventually, my dad landed a job opportunity in Africa, 13,277 km away, with an 8-hour time difference.
Of course, challenges arose, as is inevitable in a long-distance relationship. My parents’ marriage was still relatively new when they had to navigate being married but living apart. There were moments of doubt in their relationship, feelings of being solo parents, and the weight of homesickness. My mom even jokes that she looks younger now, thanks to having less stress as their relationship has matured over the years.
On top of that, communication wasn’t as easy as it is now. Back then, my parents often had to wait up to a week just for a brief 3-minute conversation. I even remember sending letters and waiting for someone to go to the Philippines for vacation, just so we could give them the letters to bring back to my dad when they returned to work. Eventually, they had to start spending on credit or prepaid loads to make their communication more constant.
Despite all these challenges, their marriage has withstood tough times, and their relationship has grown stronger than ever. With my dad now nearing retirement, they are beginning to plan their lives together as they look forward to being reunited. After years of sacrifice and separation, they are finally ready to start a new chapter together.
7 Valuable Lessons from My Parents’ Long-Distance Relationship
This year, they celebrated their 30th anniversary. Despite being separated for 25 years, their relationship has stood the test of time, matured, and adapted to the changing times. Along the way, they’ve shared valuable lessons with us about how to navigate long-distance relationships.
1. Without trust, there is no relationship.
Trust is a cornerstone of any relationship, especially in a long-distance one. Mutual respect and confidence that your partner will continue to choose your relationship, even when you are apart, are qualities my parents have shown.
Despite being physically separated for years, their relationship continues to grow stronger. I never saw major fights between them, even when I was younger—proof that trust and commitment can withstand the distance.
2. Work toward a shared goal.
When I asked my parents about their journey, they shared how difficult it was being apart from the family. There were times when my dad even considered quitting and coming home, but he knew that doing so would mean giving up on their dreams. My mom, on the other hand, spoke about the challenge of raising three children while juggling a full-time job and managing everything at home.
Despite these hardships, they made it through because they had a shared goal: to give us a better life. Their commitment to that vision proved that staying focused on a common goal can help overcome even the toughest obstacles.
3. Be transparent in your communication.
It’s often said that most communication is non-verbal, but for my parents, the majority of their communication during their long-distance relationship was through calls and texts. They found it difficult at times, but they made it work by being transparent with each other, sharing everything—even the tough stuff.
Everything was talked through as a family, ensuring no one was left out of the loop. Having open communication, knowing they wouldn’t be judged or create unnecessary drama, became key to maintaining their connection.
4. Be selective with who you share your relationship with.
Gossip can be detrimental to a long-distance relationship. My parents have always emphasized the importance of surrounding yourself with the right people. They realized that many of their arguments stemmed from others commenting on their relationship, even when they weren’t involved.
My parents are also very disciplined with what they share on social media. They are particularly careful about what they post, knowing that these platforms can sometimes stir confusion, uncertainty, or misunderstandings.
By being selective with their circle and the information they share, they’ve been able to avoid unnecessary drama. This approach not only protected the vulnerability of their marriage but also helped them get through tough times when they felt lonely or stressed.
5. Make the most of limited time.
Imagine only being able to talk for three minutes each week or spending just 1/12 of your time together each year. You wouldn’t want to waste a second of it on anything unimportant. Whenever my dad came home, he made it a point to include us in everything he did and spend quality time with us. My mom would take time off during his visits to be fully present as well. We didn’t go out or travel much, but we made the most of those moments by catching up and simply enjoying each other’s company.
As kids, we had a special tradition during my dad’s visits—nightly talent shows. We’d showcase everything we had done that school year, recreating performances, sharing our achievements, and acting out memorable moments. It was our way of helping him catch up on everything he had missed. These little traditions made us feel like he was still part of our lives, even when he was far away.
6. Nurture Your Relationship with Small, Meaningful Gestures.
It wasn’t always smooth sailing for my parents, especially when it came to decisions involving relatives, finances, or raising kids. There were times when my mom made investments that didn’t work out, which caused some financial strain. Despite this, my dad never blamed her and always understood the situation.
In return, my mom made sure to make my dad’s time at home as easy and comfortable as possible. She would buy his favorite fruits since he enjoys them, cook his favorite meals, and even make sure to celebrate his birthday, even if they were apart. She would buy a cake and other treats to mark the occasion.
These little gestures, despite the challenges, are what made their relationship special and strengthened their bond.
7. Get to know your partner
My mom shared that knowing each other’s quirks, icks, and triggers truly helped their relationship during tough times. By understanding one another, they were able to communicate in a way that the other person would feel heard and acknowledged.
This allowed them to speak freely and address issues in a non-confrontational manner. They explained that this didn’t happen overnight—it was a gradual process that took time, patience, and effort as their relationship matured.
